


The Princess Effect

by JanitorBot



Category: Rockman Zero | Mega Man Zero, Rockman | Mega Man - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossdressing, Fanart, For Strategy, Gen, M/M, Misunderstandings, Neo Arcadia being Neo Arcadia, Orphans, Some Dark Humor, This fic solidified Zero and Ciel as my brotp, Unfortunate Implications
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 04:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17418926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanitorBot/pseuds/JanitorBot
Summary: X blinks. The first thing that comes to his mind is “Zero referred to himself with male pronouns and it’s not good to judge people by their appearances,” until a small blonde girl with dull blue eyes and cheekbones a bit too pronounced to be considered healthy quietly asks,” Can Zero be a girl hero?”“…Okay.”In which everyone thought Zero was a girl and Zero goes along with it.





	The Princess Effect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChronicDelusionist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChronicDelusionist/gifts).



> A commissioned fic for Chronicdelusionist who wanted the following:  
> A story based on this comic: http://chronicdelusionist.tumblr.com/post/109553830076/they-were-playing-rock-paper-scissors-in-case-you#notes  
> And Harpuia/Zero if possible. "I just want this to be absurd."

_I think they can make it through the week_ , thinks X as he wearily gazes over the small group of recently rescued orphans sitting around a small campfire. It’s honestly depressing that the one positive aspect from this situation is that these children are so used to cycling through caretakers that they accept X so easily. Instability is their normalcy.

The world has lost so much to the Elf Wars and it’s still reeling from the consequences.  

“Where we going, Mega Man?” asks one boy.

“A safe haven,” X replies with a gentle smile he doesn’t feel. “Go to sleep. I’ll watch over you all.”

Another child whines, twisting uncomfortably in her thin sleeping bag over pebbled soil. “m’ bored.”

“Me too.”

A small girl abruptly sits up only to bend forward and rub her head against the foot of the fabric, squirming sullenly in place like larvae. “Mega Man, I wanna hear a story,” her voice muffles from the ground. “Bedtime story, please?”

 _That can help them go to sleep,_ X considers as he idly cycles through the thousands of folktales he accumulated over the past century. He falls on Cinderella. It’s a classic.

Two sentences in the tale, he promptly receives complaints from four kids that they’ve heard of it before – and they _still_ don’t know what mice or pumpkins are any of the weird things in the story are - and one question from a very young child asking, “Tim told me his daddy stepped on his mommy. Is that what a step-mom is?”

With that, X wisely decides to not tell any tales that involves parents in general.

He gets an idea and innocently starts,” Have you heard of Zero?”

“Zero? The number?”

“Yes, but it’s also a name of my best friend.” And more importantly, not human and thus has no parents. “He was a brave warrior who protected humans before he…went away. He was a hero.”

“Zero the hero,” another child mumbles and giggles at the rhyme. “What did he look like?”

X starts drawing on the ground with his finger right by the fire, humming. “His armor was red, his eyes were blue, and his hair was yellow.”

A few kids crawl to X’s drawing.

“Zero’s a girl?”

X blinks. The first thing that comes to his mind is “He referred to himself with male pronouns and it’s not good to judge people by their appearances,” until a small blonde girl with dull blue eyes and cheekbones a bit too pronounced to be considered healthy quietly asks,” Can Zero be a girl hero?”

“…Okay.”  

And so X tells the story of his best friend, Zero, the legendary hero who fought through the Maverick Wars while referring him with female pronouns.

It’s such a small thing. When it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter.

 

* * *

 

A year after Neo Arcadia’s beloved leader disappeared, a woman from Area Y-34 name Bliss Gerke publishes a children’s book to commemorate her fond memories of X.

As all things related to X, it became extremely popular and was shared widespread throughout the empire.

The real X was not there to refute very specific details of the story were true or not.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you were able to destroy a Golem,” whispers Ciel, still staring in awe at the fallen remains of what used to be a humongous mechaniloid. Overwhelmed by the relief of narrowly avoiding death, Ciel turns to Zero, galvanized. “We were right – you really _are_ Zero, the legendary reploid!”

The red robot grasps their helmet, wincing at the yawning gap in their processor. “Zero…? Is that my name? …Ugh, I can’t remember.”

“Just relax a moment. You have hibernation sickness…” Ciel frowns, concerned. “And you may still be suffering some malfunctions. Your vocal box for instance…”

Zero blinks. “My vocal box?”

“It’s at a low octave. You sound like…” Ciel makes a vague gesture, cheeks tinted red in embarrassment. “A man. With a very deep voice.”

Despite having amnesia, the implication of what Ciel just said strikes a dissonant cord inside Zero.

Mistaking Zero’s frustrated bewilderment for something else, the teen girl hurriedly reassures,” Don’t worry, Zero! I’m a reploid scientist – once we get you back to the Resistance Base, I’ll fix you up!” Her sky-blue eyes shine with admiration. “I’ll do my best to make you look like how you used to be!”

“How…I used to be?”

Ciel nods furiously. When she speaks again, the words flow out as if she’s reading something aloud. “Yes! The Crimson Hero, Zero - the famous Maverick Hunter who fought by X’s side with the shiniest red armor, the most alluring blue eyes, and flowing golden hair like the sun!” Ciel raises a fist up in determination, overflowing with heroic admiration. “The most beautiful warrior princess in the world!”

Zero blinks. “A…princess?”

Above Zero and Ciel, the same computer that tossed the beam saber spontaneously flickers on and off rapidly, and they decide to carry on the rest of the conversation at Base.

It might be his (is it really ‘his?’ Or is it ‘her?’ Fritz, this is too much upon waking up) malfunctions, but Zero swears he thinks he hears someone laughing behind him.

 

* * *

 

Zero may not have his memories, but his body remembers not ever going through anything like this.

“Did I really used to wear high heels into battle?” Zero is about to ask when Ciel raises her hands to her mouth, muffling a happy squeal.

“You look so good in them, Zero!” Ciel gushes, clasping her hands together.

Zero struggles. The warbot wants to ask if being aesthetically pleasing is important, but Ciel is already rushing around her room, snatching outfits from her closet and gathering materials at an impressive speed.

“Oh, this is like dress-up!” the teenager exclaims excitedly. “I’ve never had a girlfriend to do dress-up before! I mean there’s Alouette, but she’s so small so my clothes don’t fit her…oh oh, Zero, try this one! It’s in a shade of red that matches your helmet so well!”   

 _She seems happy,_ thinks Zero, accepting the red skirt. _A happy Commander is good for morale._

And morale is critical for the Resistance Base.

Thirty minutes later, Zero reminds himself that when Ciel comes out holding two suspicious, silicone pads, eyeing on Zero’s flat chest meaningfully.   

 

* * *

 

“Maha Ganeshariff managed to pass important information before he was terminated, Master X,” says a humble Harpuia at the foot of the throne. “Zero has returned.”

“Zero?” Neo Arcadia’s ruler frowns, pursing his lips tightly. “It seems Maha was no match for her…”

Harpuia hesitates. “That…is up for debate.

“What do you mean?”

“As per your order, Master, we programmed the mechaniloids and educated the reploids to recognize the female anatomy at first glance,” says Harpuia as clinically as possible. “To prioritize females over males.”

“Yes,” says the seated blue robot. “To maintain the breeding potential of the population during a crisis. A small surviving number of males can, with a larger number of surviving women, ensure the re-creation of a viable community. You know this, Harpuia.”

The Birkenhead Drill: women and children first during emergencies; in this case, an energy crisis.

“I do, but in Zero’s case it has...backfired,” struggles Harpuia as he takes out a data pad. “This contains Maha Ganeshariff’s final memories before he was terminated. It may be more effective to show you, sir.”

Harpuia keeps his head firmly bowed down as he hears the clip played from the throne.

_“My name is Maha Ganeshariff. I’m in charge of data processing and – BOOBS DETECTED.”_

Instantly after, the unmistakable sound of throttling metal and Maha’s death cry echoes throughout the court.

“…Oh.”

 

* * *

 

The problem with amnesia is that Zero isn’t sure if he’s the one with a processor problem, or the rest of the world does.

As he gains his memories little by little, Zero comes to the conclusion that he’s fine. It’s the world that’s so smelting crazy that it’s beyond help. Neo Arcadia is the one last safe haven for humanity, the only semblance of civilization in this post-apocalyptic land, and it has a bizarre obsession with whatever it perceives to be “female.”

But the warbot can’t deny that it’s so much easier to succeed a mission when all he needs to do is bounce up and down vigorously in front of an army of Pantheons and slice them while they’re sorting through their conflicting protocols.

It’s very efficient and Zero doesn't need to run. 

 

* * *

Maha Ganeshariff’s camera wasn’t the best quality.

Which is why Harpuia was not completely prepared to see Zero in person.

She looks like everything the stories describe her and more.

It’s foolish because Harpuia knows that Zero is a robot as much as he is; Zero’s appearance is simply that: an appearance. Shallow and ultimately insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

But that aloof face, those determined and cool eyes, the way Zero drives straight into combat without any hesitance – it’s so different from the typical subservient demeanors that people back in Neo Arcadia have in the presence of the Guardians and Harpuia is reluctantly mesmerized.

Even when she nearly trips while running around in her heels, she looks more endearing than stupid.

Harpuia gets an idea and even though it’s against Master X’s orders…well, Master X would be pleased to have Zero to be on their side rather than against them, right?

Zero is an older robot from centuries ago. Perhaps by appealing to her with etiquette from simpler times, she may consider leaving those barbarians from the Resistance Base. 

Harpuia needs to at least try. Since Harpuia is winning this fight, he can afford to.

“Wait, Zero,” says Harpuia suddenly in mid-battle, using his jet thrusters to hover in place, putting the battle in hold. He raises his hands high and drifts down to the ground slowly, projecting a nonthreatening picture as much as he can. “I have a proposition.”

The red warbot halts in place and glares at Harpuia suspiciously.

Harpuia coughs in his fist politely, and begins, “Milady …”

Zero stiffens but the Guardian is too focused trying not to flush crimson to notice.

“You are truly a magnificent fighter, through and through. I admire your skills and Neo Arcadia would benefit having someone as elegant and graceful as you with us. And even if you don’t want to fight, it’s okay. You don’t need to be a warrior.”

Harpuia places one hand over his chest and bows at a forty-five degree angle. “Because of your history with Master X, it only makes sense that you’ll have a place by his side. You will be treated and beloved, like a princess.”   

“…Are you mocking me?” asks Zero.

Harpuia shakes his head. “On the contrary, I highly respect you. That’s why I’m giving you a chance to survive, milady.”

“Survive?”

“If we are to continue fighting, I will have no choice but to terminate you. You will not win.”

“You believe your skills are superior to mine?” Zero says low and dangerous.

Harpuia hesitates. “Please don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t mean to offend, but objectively speaking my speed outclasses yours. I have laid more hits on you than you have on me. At this rate, you will lose. So…what will it be, Zero?”

After a beat of silence, Harpuia hears something shuffling and he lifts his head up, curious.

Zero is lifting her top with one hand and is digging in there with her other hand, and Harpuia stares.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“The weight is slowing me down,” deadpans Zero and one second later, something flies and smack right into the Guardian's face.

“Wha…” When Harpuia recognizes the fake breasts, he flushes crimson in pure fury and mortification.

“YOU’RE NOT A WOMAN!” Harpuia shrieks. “THE STORIES WERE ALL LIES! YOU SHAMELESS DISGRACE, _HOW DARE YOU WEAPONIZE GENDER!”_

“I don’t give a rust,” quips Zero bluntly. “I’ll do anything to win.”

Then he shanks the Guardian.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Harpy,” Fefnir greets casually when Harpuia bursts open the doors to Master X’s court. “So how was Zero like – “

“Zero is the absolute worst,” the green Guardian hisses venomously. “And I hate _him.”_

As Harpuia stomps off, everyone else looks at each other, puzzled.

“Him?”

**Author's Note:**

> And then everyone starts asking questions on why did "Master X" not know that Zero was not a girl, and Zero confronting Ciel that if he and X were comrades, how come X doesn't know he's a guy, and the entire shitshow with Copy X goes down :D
> 
> EDIT (01/16/2019):  
> THE AWESOME Kudo_6c FROM TWITTER DREW AWESOME FANART TO THIS RIDICULOUS STORY AHHHHH  
> They're a fantastic artist so give their art a check if you want to brighten up your day!


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